An Experiment

Last week was a low week for me. I had a lot of things going wrong in my life and it was especially hard coming down from an amazing weekend with J. On Sunday, I told J about my bad week, which included feeling distant from him but I purposely didn't tell him about that because I want to talk to him in person about it. I asked him if he could just stay in a little bit better contact with me this week and send me random things that reminded him of me and sharing little things from his life with me to make things better. He said that he most definitely would. Monday was a great day. I heard from him quite a lot--more than I needed and expected. Then Tuesday, I didn't hear from him. I texted him later in the afternoon and he responded, but it was business and I could tell that he didn't want to be bothered since he was stressed with school. Tuesday evening, I sent him a picture from my gelato making class and told him that I wished he was here. We again chatted for a bit and then he suggested that we should talk on the phone last night. I told him that would work for me, but if he was busy studying to let me know.

Well, yesterday came and went and I didn't hear a peep from him--no phone call and text. I realize that he is busy with school, but it would be nice if he at least let me know that he couldn't talk anymore. J hasn't been the best with keeping in contact since medical school started unless I talk or message him first. He used to be so much better when he wasn't in school and just working. I've decided that I'm going to see how long it takes him to contact me. I'm guessing that I won't hear from him until Sunday or later.

I wish that it wasn't this way. I know that medical school is a beast and consumes most of your time, but it would be nice to know that he was thinking of me. I have been there for him when he has been struggling and checked up on him. I've wished him luck before tests and big events. I have offered to help him out. But I haven't received the same treatment. When I was doing a large presentation, I asked him if I could practice on him when he came down for the weekend. He said yes, but sadly it didn't happen and it seemed like he didn't really want to listen--maybe it was because we had such limited time together. The night before my presentation, I told him how stressed I was. I was hoping he would wish me luck the next day or ask me how it went. To my dismay, I received neither a text or phone call that day. It wasn't until the next day that we talked and he asked how it went, which was great, but I wish he would have wished me luck.

It makes me a little bit sad that I don't hear from him more often. I miss the old us where we could both joke around via text and send things that made us think of one another. I still do this, but he doesn't do it in return unless I instigate. Maybe we both have different expectations of what our relationship is. What I know for sure is that we need to talk and I'll tell him what I need from him. I just can't wait around and expect him to figure out what I need. I'll talk to him next weekend when he is down here visiting me because I love him and I want things to work out between us.