Night Drive

Last night, I went on a date and this date was unlike any other that I've gone on in NYC--it reminded me of home and made me forget about the city. I bet all of you are wondering what this wondrous date could be... Well, the title says it all. This boy had a car and wanted to take me for a drive upstate and get dinner wherever we ended up. It was going to be a night drive to nowhere and we were just going to go wherever our whims took us. In reality, this isn't exactly what happened because we don't know this area very well and we didn't want to get stuck paying a lot of money in tolls. I found a lovely beach park along the Hudson River that wasn't too far away from the city and would offer great sunset views and natural beauty. As luck would have it, he got out of work late and we missed the sunset. Additionally, we got kicked out of the park by a cop because it closes at dusk. So that was an utter, but fun failure/adventure. We then found dinner at a nice little gastropub in the small town that we were in.

On our way home, we decided to fly by the seat of our pants more and generally "follow" the directions of the GPS. I must say that I am so glad that we did. We ended up in the middle of a "mountain" range that didn't have very much traffic. As I was driving, I heard this loud noise. I found a place to pull over and rolled down all the windows. There was so much activity in the trees with birds callings to one another, frogs croaking, and I assume insects. I could identify at least 3 different bird calls. It was so amazing. We sat there with the windows down and sun roof open, listening and looking at the stars. This moment was absolutely magical to me. There were very few cars that passed us. We could only hear the noises of nature. There was no honking or "background" city noise. I saw stars, planets, and constellations. I had great a great conversation about nature and imagining being the first person to walk this mountain and forest we were in. There was just peace and happiness. It made me miss the open roads, drives to nowhere, and feeling the connection to nature and all living things. I could have sat there for hours, but we could only stay for about 30 minutes because we had to get back to reality. Those 30 minutes will stay with me and drive me to get out into nature more often. I'm most looking forward to going camping in the near future and experiencing the darkness, night sounds, and stars next to a camp fire.

I must say that it was the perfect date for a boy who misses nature and wants to escape the city. I can't wait to see what will happen with the boy...

Also, I'm currently obsessed with "Fool for Love" by Lord Huron.

Balance

I keep saying that I'm going to start writing again, but I feel like this time it is going to stick. When I was first coming out, I wrote a lot and it helped me process what I was feeling. I'm looking to do the same now. I have noticed that I'm starting to struggle with living in NYC. It throws me off balance and brings out the best and worst in me. I've always known that I need to escape the city, but now it is becoming more and more necessary. Every weekend, I want to get out. I want need to be in nature.

I learned this lesson on my recent escape from NYC to Switzerland. Switzerland was one of the most gorgeous places I have ever visited. There were mountains, streams, lakes, waterfalls, rolling hills, fields of flowers, delectable food, lovely people, and so much more. I spent four of my days hiking in the Swiss Alps. One day, I sat down next to a waterfall and contemplated and reflected on my life. The next day, it was on top of a mountain. Another day, it was on a cliff side. The last day was swimming in a glacial lake. I discovered that I love and hate NYC. This is nothing new to me, but I didn't realize it was so polarized now. There used to be areas of grey, but now those grey areas are starting to turn into black and white. I don't want this to happen and I'm trying to figure out how to turn those areas into grey again and be fully happy living in this city again--I have at least 4 more years here.

I also learned that I need to be in nature or near a lot of nature to have the best balance. My elements are water and earth. Those things bring me the most happiness and connect me the most with nature and God. Switzerland was perfect for this connection. I was so at peace and so joyous during this time. I was able to think about my worries, life, goals, morals, values, beliefs, etc. with a clear and open mind. But once I returned to NYC, I lost sight of some of those insights. I'm desperately trying to maintain those insights and find balance.

These are a some tasks that I'm working on to maintain my balance and keep insight flowing:

1. Stick with swimming on the master's swim team (I have practice tonight)
2. Spend less time on social media and the Internet
3. Leave the city for nature at least once a month
4. Read more
5. Wake up earlier to have "me" time with no interruptions
6. Consider going to church again
7. Focus on what's most important in my life... family, friends, and loved ones

I hope that things will fall into place and my life will become balanced again.