To Gun or Not to Gun?

There is a certain type of person in medical school called gunners. They are an interesting group. It is full of overachievers who have to know everything and get a 100% on every test. Their natural habitat is in the library with their nose in a physiology book and going to every class. They very rarely leave campus and they never go out with friends. There is just too much to study and learn! Most medical students look down on gunners because they make everyone look bad, but secretly most students want to have as much knowledge as the gunners. There is no other medical student like the gunner.

I have never been labelled as one of the types of medical students you commonly see. The closest that I have come to is the prankster. It is true that I like to joke around and play practical jokes on people, but being the medical school prankster is more than that and I don't think I fit the bill. That leaves me with a personality that doesn't match up with the types of medical students, which I am completely fine with; I don't like falling into stereotypes.

You might ask, "why is he even talking about this then?" Well, that is a very good question. Recently, I have been labelled as a gunner. At first, I had a gut reaction of denying it and not wanting to be a gunner. I'm a prankster, remember? I can't be a gunner! Anything but a gunner! After yesterday, I've come to terms with being a gunner and will proudly accept the title with a few stipulations.

Yesterday, my histology group gave a presentation and most people in our class have been talking about how we are all gunners. They said that our presentation was one of the best given and that we were able to answer all of the questions asked with relatively few problems. I took pride in those statements. We all worked hard and we wanted to impress the doctor grading our presentation. All of our hard work paid off and the doctor said that we gave an excellent presentation.

If a gunner is about working hard, knowing the material, taking pride in your work, and doing well, then sign me up because I'm a gunner!

Letter to My Cadaver

Dear Dean,

I don't know what to say except for thank you. You have taught me so much about myself, anatomy, and the beauty of the human body. Also, you brought me and my five other labmates together. For all of this, I am eternally grateful that you would be so kind and willing to donate your body for my education.

I remember the first day that I met you. It was the first day of anatomy and it was a special moment for me, a moment I have looked forward to for many years. The excitement was high as I stood there in my scrubs and smock. Dr. Laitman was speaking to the class in the microphone, but I couldn’t pay attention. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally gave us permission to reveal your body. I looked down on your body. You were on your back and were pale, gray, and clammy. The stench of the preservatives wafted into my nostrils and filled the room. This was the first smell of the scent that I would come to hate. We prepared our tools as we waited for permission to start cutting into the skin on your back. The six of us each took turns cutting and removing the skin and fat from your back. As we removed the fat, we found your beautiful muscles. This was the first view of your stunning innards. We finished that day looking at most of the back muscles.

As the days and weeks progressed, we explored every inch of your body. We found and dissected your heart, lungs, liver, splanchnic nerves, brain, celiac trunk, Prince Saphenous the Great, tongue, kidneys with simple renal cysts, aorta, greater omentum, azygos vein, carina, your glorious GI tract, and so much more.

My favorite days that I spent with you were when we cut into your abdomen and discovered your GI tract. It was beautiful, yet challenging to work with and it pushed me to my limits. When we removed your rectus abdominis, it was magical to see your greater omentum. It was an apron of fat protecting your intestines from our view and mechanical damage. As we moved the omentum, your intestines were beautiful to behold. I loved holding your intestines in my hand, squishing the digested food, opening both the large and small intestines, and handling your haustra and epiploic appendages. But during the removal of your GI tract is when I almost threw up into you. We never found your appendix and the six of us agreed that you must have had it removed, even though we couldn't find a scar.

The days that we spent with you are special to me and I will cherish my memories from them. I will never forget you and all that you have taught me. Thank you again for letting me meet you and for letting me get to know you better than most of your friends and family.

Respectfully,
Sean

First Semester Done!

I successfully finished my first semester of medical school and graduate school (I realize that this is about a month late). The first semester was definitely a difficult one, but I pulled through with great grades in all of my classes. I am extremely happy with how the semester went and everything that I learned about science, healthcare, medicine, life, and myself.

These are some of the lessons that I learned:

1. I hate muscles and nerves
2. I can take breaks and not study as much as I do
3. I need to find more balance in my life or in other words, escape the library and have some fun
4. I'm in love the GI tract
5. Surgery doesn't interest me
6. Making best friends takes time, but once you make them, they'll always be around
7. Some people don't respect you unless you went to an Ivy League
8. Always make time for loved ones
9. NYC has some of the best food around
10. I like to stress bake and cook... Mmmm, pie!
11. Everyone isn't the same in medical school and we're actually all very different
12. Exercise is a must that needs to happen more often
13. I love teaching the more that I do it
14. Don't let people to bring you down
15. Be confident because I know more and have more ability than I think

That's about it. I'm hoping to blog more regularly. It's one of my goals. XOXO. S.

Move-Ed

Sorry that I haven't written for a very long time. A lot has been going on, I have been on many adventures, and I haven't had the desire/much time to write. Nevertheless, here is a quick update with a chance of a longer one later. I'm not keeping any promises...

I have moved on to a whole new part of my life. I was admitted in Mount Sinai School of Medicine's MSTP (MD/PhD) program! I moved up to New York last Friday and I have almost completed my first official week of school. I'll be in the city for at least the next 8 years. So far, I'm loving it here and I'm loving school. Everything that is currently happening to me is exactly what I want and need. Life is good right now.

Here are some keywords to describe my adventures in New York: apoptosis, big sister, programmed necrosis, Central Park, site-seeing, TNF, U-Haul, NYPD, food, DNA fragmentation, parents, and fireflies.

Interviews and Thoughts Thus Far...

My first interview was at Boston University in October. BU was a great place. I really liked and felt like I fit in. The schools is very research oriented and focused. I was surprised that they recommended that every student perform some research while they attend medical school at BU. My interviews went very well and the old Dean of Admissions told me that I would be "a good fit" at BU. I lOVE Boston and definitely could live there, so I wouldn't mind living there for 8 some odd years. The only problem with BU is that I don't receive my stipend all my years of school. I don't want to go into debt, especially when I will be starting my career around age 35.

My second interview was at Tufts University in November. It appears that the Boston schools like me and think I'll fit into their program. Tufts was also a great school. I fell in love with one researcher and his research. He is an up and coming researcher who is proving wrong many of the believed concepts of T cell activation. He would help my career go far. Also, Tufts is very keen on mentoring. They constantly have people checking up on the MD/PhDs and helping them through the long process. Another benefit is that I am funded all of my years of school and I receive a stipend. One problem is the push to finish the program in 7 years. I wonder if moving through the program faster could be a disservice to students.

My last interview was at NYU. I absolutely loved NYU! The school is amazing, the people are amazing, the research is amazing, the immunology department is amazing, the facilities are amazing, and NYC is always amazing. Right now, I would consider NYU my topic choice. I was very impressed with their dedication to infectious disease immunology. They are currently expanding the immunology department, which means a lot of new, up and coming researchers will be at NYU. In this expansion, they are building a brand new research building and it will be completed by the time that I'm starting my graduate school years. Also, I felt a strong sense of belonging at NYU. I was well received by all my interviewers and I made friends quickly with students. I took this as a very good sign. I also made a really good friend at NYU who was also an interviewee.

The first round of acceptances for all of these schools is in January, which leaves me a little more time to hear from them. I hope I hear good news from all of them. I am still waiting to hear back from 7 schools and I have another interview at Mount Sinai at the beginning of February. That means that I have had 4 interviews and 9 rejections. I'm pretty sure that at least half of the schools left will send me a rejection.

Here's to hoping I get in at least one of the schools I have interviewed at!

NYU

I interviewed at NYU back in December. They put me up in a very posh hotel in midtown. I would love for my apartment to look like my hotel room. It definitely fit my decorating style. As promised, here are some pictures of my room.

My lovely bed. Notice the lime green double border on the pillow and the great mixing of colors on the throw blanket and bed stool.

TV/Entry way: LOVE the lamp!

I need a green chair like this...

The lovely bathroom.

Best shower I have EVER had in my life! I want one of these real bad!

I definitely approved of this hotel room and NYU! I could definitely see myself going there!

Another Bites the Dust...

I bet you guess what happened by the title...

Another denial... sigh...

What Happened Today?

What happened today?

Something special? No...

Something fun? No...

Something crazy? No...

Something lovely? No...

Something about research? No...

Something good? No...

What could it be?

Something bad? Yes...

Something about medical school? Yes...

Something about interviews? Yes...

Some bad news about interviews? Yes...

Some really bad news about interviews? Yes...

How bad?

Let's just say really bad. I received three denials in one day. Let's just say that I feel worthless right now. I feel like my dreams of being a medical scientist have been crushed. I moved out her to Maryland hoping that it would help progress my career. It looks like I have been wrong so far.

I guess I still have more schools to hear the news from. Hopefully it will be good because I don't know if I can handle anymore disappoint at this time.

PS I don't want to talk about it, unless I call you to talk about it.

Columbia and Baylor

Last week was my first medical school interview. I headed off to the wonderful city of New York. I stayed there for five days (thank the Lord for a three day weekend) with a good friend who is working for Goldman Sachs, which was nice because my expenses were very low. All that I can say is that I love New York and would love to live in that city. It was magnificent. While I was there, I saw Wicked (amazing), the Financial District, Wall Street, the Wall Street Bull, the Meat Packing District, Chinese New Year in Chinatown, Little Italy, Times Square, the Metropolitan Museum, the Museum of Art Design, the Museum of Modern Art, and so much more! There was so much to do and I highly doubt I would ever get bored.

I thought that I would be overwhelmed with the city, but I wasn’t. When I first arrived at JFK, I was overwhelmed with getting on a bus to Manhattan and then getting my way to my friend’s apartment. After dropping off my suitcase, I navigated the subways to Columbia all by myself. I was very nervous about that, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I became quickly acclimated to the city.

Columbia is a beautiful place (I’m a sucker for huge hospitals). There was so much going on there that I loved. I loved the curriculum, the service opportunities, the free homeless shelter/clinic, the school, the people, the diversity, and again, much more. My interview was probably subpar. The reason for this was because the first question the interviewer asked me was why I wanted to become a doctor. I told him about my desires to help others, but I also told him about my desire to earn an MD/PhD. He then looked me straight in the face and asked me, “Why are you here then?” The reason he asked me is that an MD/PhD has a different application and interview than an MD. I told him about how my desire to earn a PhD recently developed. I then felt like I was fighting my way back from the grave for the rest of the interview. He was always questioning my motives of being there. I think that I had a decent interview, but not an amazing one. I hope that it works out so that I could go to Columbia, because I loved the school and the city.

I just barely returned from my trip to Baylor. I didn’t spend much time in Houston, but from what I saw, it reminded me a lot of Salt Lake City. This isn’t a bad thing, but I much prefer a bigger city and I prefer something that wouldn’t remind me of home. Don’t get me wrong. I do love Utah, but I am ready for a new place and a new adventure. Houston, being the fourth largest city in the US, didn’t seem like a big city. I still had a good time.

The interview was yesterday and I felt like I rocked the two I had. The first one was with a doctor. She was an amazing, strong woman from Germany (I’m a sucker for strong women). She and I had a lot in common and so the interview flowed very naturally. I had a great time talking to her and she seemed to enjoy our conversation. At the end of the interview, she told me that she was planning on giving me a very strong recommendation to the admissions committee. I’m really stoked for this! The second interview also went well. This time it was with a fourth year student. He asked me some ethical questions and my opinion on health care reform. He agreed what I said in my responses and told me that I gave a good strong response, whereas other interviewees gave lackluster comments. This made me extremely happy. After the seven hour long interview session, full of interviews and tours, most of the applicants headed to an Irish Pub paid for by Baylor. We had free food and some good times. I enjoyed my time there, but I was surprised how many people were getting hammered and smashed. I thought that people in the medical profession would know better, but I guess the socialization of the norms for my age group is still there. It made me uncomfortable so I left, especially because all of the people that I made friends with during the interview session were completely drunk.

I really loved Baylor too! The school was amazing and beautiful! It had basically everything the same as Columbia, except it was in Houston. I really like both Columbia and Baylor. I’m not sure how things are going to work out, but I’m not sure if I would go to Baylor because of Houston. If it were between Columbia and Baylor, I would definitely go to Columbia. I would be happy at either place, but I would be happier at Columbia. I still have one more interview at The Ohio State, so things might change. I still haven’t heard back from the NIH either and that will definitely change what direction I go. If I get into the NIH, I will definitely reapply as an MD/PhD, which I am currently working on.

What happens next year still scares me because my future is still a mystery. I can’t make long-term goals to achieve because I don’t know where I’ll be, but wherever I end up will be the best for me and it will be the best route for me to take in life.

Second Interview

On Sunday, I received another interview at Baylor for February 19th. I'm very excited about this one because I would like to go to Baylor more so than The Ohio State (the interview is on March 17th). I don't know if I will get in so I've started cementing my back up plans.

Currently, I am working on my primary medical school application again. This includes writing another personal statement and boosting my resume with more activities, research, service, leadership, shadowing, etc. This will hopefully make me stand out as a candidate. I am also working on an application to do a post-baccalaureate at the NIH (National Institute of Health) in Bethesda, MD (near Washington D.C.) this upcoming year. My research professor believes that I have a good chance of getting into their post-baccalaureate program since I have a lot of research experience and good grades. We will see what happens. If I do get into this program and by some miracle get into medical school too, I will postpone my matriculation to medical school and do my post-baccalaureate at the NIH. This might give me the chance to for sure decide if I want to only be a M.D. or a M.D./Ph.D. I've seriously been considering doing a M.D./Ph.D again and if I receive the post-baccalaureate, I will probably head the M.D./Ph.D route.

Anyways, there is a quick update on my life. It's good! :)

Interview #1

I got invited for an interview at The Ohio State! I'm so excited! It's on March 17. It's not one of my first choices, but it is school that I could definitely attend without regrets. They have a great program and great facilities... I will see what happens and if they like me during my interview. Now it's time to prepare for the interview that is a couple of months away.

I'm hoping for more interviews coming up soon, since I have my first one.

I feel like I can breath a little now...

Plans...

I've set a course out for future plans if medical school doesn't work out this year. These are my plans after I graduate in April:

1. Move to California
2. Get a biomedical/biochemistry related job (I'm already working on this one and my cousin Val Pal is setting me up with her friend who works for a biomedical company)
   
3. Gain residency in California
   
4. Expand my resume
5. Volunteer at a charity medical clinic
6. Continue coaching swimming, if possible
   
7. Take the GRE
8. Take the GRE: Biochemistry Supplement Test
9. Reapply to medical school
10. If option 9 doesn't work again, apply to graduate school and move on

I hope all of this works out, if I'm not admitted into medical school this year. Thanks for all of your support. I do appreciate it.

Future, What Future?

I am depressed about my future. I feel like I don't have one. I feel like my dreams are falling through the cracks or shattering into a million and one pieces. I just don't know what to do anymore. The interview season is almost over (2 or 3 months depending on the school) and I have yet to hear back from one medical school. It is getting beyond frustrating. I've tried really hard not to think about it, but it's all that I can think about lately. I really want to go to medical school and I feel like it is going to be the best place for me, but I guess the schools are thinking otherwise. Sigh...

I've started looking into taking the GRE and applying to graduate schools in biochemistry because I don't think I'm going to get into medical school. This is something that I don't want to do because I don't want to be in a lab my whole life. I want to be interacting with people and healing them. It looks like this isn't going to happen though. Sigh... Life is so depressing right now.

What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently? Should I call or email the medical schools to see about my application status?

I feel like a failure and failure is my biggest fear.

Waiting...

I am getting even more antsy as the days go by. Whenever there is an unknown number calling me on my phone, I secretly hope and pray that it is a medical school, but alas, it isn't. I have had that happen to me five times in the past week. Seriously, five times! It's pure torture! I really hope I get a call soon. It's driving me nuts! I just want an interview, that's all. Well, that and then an acceptance letter, but I'll take an interview anytime soon!

In other news, the first Timpview swim meet is on Wednesday... you all should come and cheer on the team! It starts at 3:30 at the Provo Rec Center!

Six Weeks

It has almost been six weeks since I turned in my first medical school applications. I am getting very nervous. I need to receive a call in the next little while or I might freak out! Oh wait, I am. That means I might go insane! I need to get interviews! UGH! I am hoping that I will get a call or email this week because it will make my week so much better. My week has been horrible and it's only Wednesday! Double ugh!

Help!

I am stuck on one of my last medical school applications because I am not sure what to write about. Here is the prompt: "What makes you special, someone who will add to the Mount Sinai community?" This prompt has given me a lot of trouble, more so than any other. This is because I need to write an essay that isn't full of cockiness and arrogance, yet at the same time I have to show that I am a unique person that will bring something to Mount Sinai Medical School. I turn this over to all of you because I am not sure what to write about and all of my friends and family say generic things to write about.

What do you think makes me special?

Lovely Words

"Your application to Washington University School of Medicine is now complete and is under review."

These are some of the most lovely words that I have read all day. I'm stoked about this. Washington University is in my top three choices for medical school. My other two are New York University and Johns Hopkins. Don't ask me the order of the top 3 because it is constantly changing, but as of right now, I am leaning more towards Johns Hopkins. I hope that I get into at least one of them! :)