Follow Your Heart

Despite all of our troubles and our break up, the following statement that I wrote a couple weeks ago is still true. “JP, I think that you are my soul mate but only time will reveal the truth. Despite all of our troubles, everyday I’m falling more in love with you. I can’t wait to see what will happen between us…” 

I've been doing a lot of thinking since the breakup, especially in the aftermath of the Orlando shooting. Life is just so fragile and it ends all too soon. That is why we have to keep the ones we love closer to us and strive to never push them away. I'm very much in love with JP and I can picture a real, loving future with him. I'm not ready to let him go that easily and I want to fight for him. I want to work things out with him. I want to follow my heart and get back together with him. The question is, what do I do to get him back? How can I get him back? Will he come back to me? Does he even want me back or has written me off completely?

These are all excellent questions that I need to ponder and think about. I believe that JP still loves and cares about me deeply, in fact he told me this. I also believe that deep down, he still wants to be with me, but there are things keeping him from being with me. His actions speak volumes to me in and tell me that he wants to be with me, but seems confused. There are times that he is very sweet--he flew my mother to and from SLC-JFK with a special pass that he was saving for himself, he spent a good amount of time with my mom and I while she was here, he checks in on me, he messages me when he is reminded of things that we did together or of things that reminds him of me. Then there is the flip side where I don't hear from him, he doesn't do what he says, and he avoids talking to me. These actions show confusion on his part and mirrors my own confusion about our relationship and how he feels about me. But I feel like his love and care for me is deep and real.

I'm trying to figure out what to do. Our relationship is officially over. I want to give him the space he needs to figure things out, but I also want to try and remain close to him. I feel like if I let him go completely, I'll lose him forever. I WANT to fight for him. I just need to figure out the best way to fight for him and not push him away.