Pride Solidarity

Pride weekend was a very touching and emotional weekend for me.

Friday was a rough day. I woke up fine, but then it quickly turned into a swirl of emotions. My overall feelings were sadness about my situation with JP (I'll write more about what's going on later). I spent a good portion of my day almost in tears and ready to breakdown at any moment. I still love him so much and want to be with him. It's difficult for me to completely let him go and to think that he wants to completely let me go. The day got better after work though. I went to the Met with some friends for a pride celebration there. We listened to the NYC Gay Men's Chorus perform, had a silent dance party among an ancient Egyptian temple, and listened to people discuss gender and queer identity within art. Overall, it was wonderful. It was also wonderful to see so many LGBT and straight individuals coming together to celebrate acceptance and love, in addition to exploring the meaning of being different in society.

On Saturday, I went to the beach and didn't do much pride celebrations. But I did go out for a bit. It was so great to see the community coming together and thriving, despite the mass shooting in Orlando. The only downside is that I wish that I could have celebrated with JP.

Sunday was spectacular! The pride parade was definitely the best and largest pride parade that I have ever attended. There was so much support and love from so many people from different walks of life who marched in the parade or who just came to watch the parade. I was so impressed with how many groups were commemorating the people who died in Orlando, yet also still walking in solidarity with pride, fierceness, and progress. One thing that struck me was that our community never gives up and we move forward with solidarity. We see that we have to keep on fighting and growing to combat discrimination and hate. It all started back at the Stonewall Riots and it has only grown. We have gotten more rights, but we still have a lot more to gain in order to achieve full love, support, and rights from the world. We may be different in who we are attracted to, but we are humans like everyone else. We will never give up and our community will keep growing. Our community is alive and vibrant despite all that is going on, and together we can make a difference in the world. We can bring people together who feel left out and different--we are welcoming of everyone. Love trumps hate and love wins!

At the parade, I started to struggle a lot. There were many times that I was in tears due to the love and support, but also from sadness. My sadness stemmed from not having JP there by my side. I was constantly looking for him. In my head, I was hoping that I would see him, that he would run up to me, and that everything would be ok again. Sadly, that didn't happen and I just spent time processing my emotions. Seeing the commemoration of the Orlando victims was a huge reminder for me to treasure the ones that I love, fight for them, and keep them close. My desire to fight for JP has never been stronger. I want him in my life so badly. He means the world to me, and I just wish that we could find a way to move beyond our struggles. I'm still trying to figure out the best way forward with him, but what I do know is that I love him and that I want my future to be with him by my side.