Being Content

I think that I made somewhat of a breakthrough today. I realized that I am not content with my life right now and I am generally not content with my life in general. I'm always looking for ways to make it better, to fix problems, to be happier, to do more, to level up, etc. etc. etc. I don't remember there ever being a time that I was content with my life. As a child, I remember having goals that would help me become a better member of the LDS church, get better grades, achieve my dreams of going to medical school, being a better son, become a better swimmer, become more god-like, and so much more. I was always striving to be something more than I was and am. There was always something, even if it was little things, that I could work on to make me better, more perfect. I am hell-bent to become perfect and make my life perfect. If I am not at perfection or feel like I am at perfection, I struggle and have to figure out ways to get there because I struggle with the thought of being a failure or looking anything less than perfect.

What I really need to do is be content with my life and not stress about the perceived flaws or bad times. I need to be grateful for the things that I have and happy with what I have achieved and been given. There is so much beauty and good in my life that when I focus on the bad and my imperfections, they tear me down and cause me to think that my life could be better. Could my life be better? Most definitely. But can I be happy with where I am not now? YES!!! I need to be happy and content with my life in every aspect. Life is a rollercoaster and comes at you in weird ways. There is always a loop or a turn when you are expecting a straight path. These loops and turns are normal and natural. They don't make me a failure, because a lot of times, there is nothing that I can do to prevent them. They are completely out of my control. What makes me a failure is the inability to cope, adjust, and learn what life was trying to teach me. If I try to force these turns to conform to me and my beliefs, I fail at learning whatever lesson I am meant to learn.

It's time to just start riding this crazy rollercoaster of life and quit trying to change and control everything to become better and more perfect. I will probably learn more if I let life teach me a few lessons instead of pretending to know it all. I recognize that my life is pretty great the way it is. There is a lot of good and happiness within my life. I need to begin to focus on good instead of the bad. I need to be grateful for what I have been given and for the people in my life. I need to be content with my life in good, bad, and ugly times. Life will never be what I expect it to be and I can strive to become greater, but when there is a loop or a turn, I need to enjoy the ride and learn what I can from it.

Can I be content with my life or will I always be trying to make it better? Only time will tell, but I know that I will be working on being more grateful, happy, and content with where I am at and attempt to learn from what life throws at me.