Another Goodbye

It's time for me to let go of someone who was very important in my life the past couple months, but who has become very distant over the past month. It's the guy I was in a polyamorous relationship with. I think that things are getting too much for him to handle and that we are getting too close, which has put strain on his current relationship. We keep having conversations about us--how we get distant, how he wants us to go back to normal, how he needs to pull back, how he still wants to kiss me, etc. It's all going in circles and it's frustrating, so I need to be done. I need to let go. It's something that I don't want to do because I love him very much and want him as my friend and lover, but I know that it's not good for me. I'm no longer going to vie for his attention and try to see him as much as I have been. I'm going to cut down on my contact and make him a smaller part of my life. It's not worth it for me anymore and it's just been hurtful trying to keep myself as a relevant part of his life when he doesn't make much effort to include me. It's time to end things with a hurt and sad heart.

This is a letter I wrote him, but will never send.

Hey Raccoon,

I hope that things are going well for you and that you're being very productive on getting what you need to get done with the acquisition.

I've been thinking about you a lot since I last saw you and I just wanted to say that I miss you--I miss our regular and spontaneous dinner dates and conversations/texts about everything and nothing. I recognize that you have a lot going on between your jobs, boyfriend, and everything else on your plate and I understand the need to focus on all of those things.

Over the past 6 months that I've known you, you've inspired me in so many ways. Whenever we got together, you'd push me out of my comfort zone, open my mind to new ideas and experiences, teach me about new topics, discuss differing opinions, force me to break down medical/scientific facts, go on adventures with me, talk about the good and bad in life, support me, and so much more. The conversations were second to none. The company and activities were always the best, no matter what we were doing. You've pushed me to be a bit less introverted and less serious and more open. You've helped me become a better person and helped me through some tough times. You always made me feel good and brought a smile to my face. Our time together was always special to me, and it still is.

The truth is that what I miss the most is the companionship and inspiration you gave me, and it's been hard to lose that, but I completely understand why we haven't been as close.

I'm truly grateful for having met you and having you as a part of my life. You're truly an amazing man and I've never had a friend like you before. I love you very much, my dear friend.

Hugs,
Sean