The Hardest Part

The end.

Looking back

Struggling forward

Darkness.

Daybreak.

Stirring movement

Bringing change

The start,

the hardest part.

"the hardest part" by me

I have been contemplating whether or not I should share this poem. I was thinking about posting it on Instagram without going to Facebook, but that didn't appeal to me. It is more private and for me than public. This blog is public, but it feels private because a lot of people don't read it, which is why I'm sharing it with you all. 

I wrote this poem in the outback. It describes my feelings of the past couple of months and the transformation that has taken place in me over my vacation in Australia, especially during my time in the outback. I was in a dark place off and on and really struggling to move past my feelings and emotions. Most days, work was a struggle and I didn't want to be there or do any work. I would avoid doing what I had to do and essentially sabotage myself and my goals by not doing any work. Luckily it hasn't put me too far behind. Then there were times that I would avoid doing the things that I loved and seeing the people I loved. I was depressed for most of the summer and have actually been fairly depressed this whole year. My relationship with JP really affected me in many ways that I am still trying to fully comprehend, but I feel that I can definitely say that I lost someone who I imagined spending the rest of my life with. That loss is extremely difficult and hard to move past.

I've come to realize that the hardest part of ending is starting again. It's easy to remain looking at the past and have wishful thinking. I was doing this all summer. I would constantly think about JP. He was on my mind every day and multiple times a day. I would think about him when I woke up, throughout the day, and before I went to bed. I had so much wishful thinking, but it was naive and stupid. I could have let this consume me and continue this thinking, but luckily I didn't. I've realized that it's extremely difficult to not let the past hold you back and move forward. It's just so easy to stay in that mode and not move on. It's like being stuck in the valley of Mount Everest and you have to climb to the top of Mount Everest to get to where you want to go next--it's daunting, but in the end, it's worth it! 

It's worth moving on to something new and better. It's worth it to start new goals and live your life to the fullest. It's worth it to not hide yourself in your own emotions. It's worth it to explore the world and make connections. Living life is worth it. Even though it daunting to move on and stop the wishful thinking, it something that must be done.

I finally feel like I'm at the start of something and great. After my relationship ended, I was caught in the muck of my emotions and feelings. Now, I am rejuvenated and ready to move forward. I'm starting to take small steps to climb Mount Everest and get to the beautiful view on top of it and what lies beyond the mountain. It's time to reignite my passion for life in everything that I do, which Australia has helped jump start.

Here's to a better future with much beauty in it!