Changed Man

I'm lost and confused with my love life right now. I don't know how to approach the situation anymore.

Back in October, we had a serious fight over something that is so innately a part of me and we have never been the same since. He told me that he hated my care-giver side and that he could never date someone like his mother. We made up and figured things out, but it was still rocky and we had our bumps in the road. Flash forward to the week of Thanksgiving. JP runs away and doesn't tell me where he is going. I go over to his apartment to find it completely empty and I couldn't get a hold of him. He eventually came home and all was ok. I forgave him and we talked about what was going on. It seemed like we both could move forward and support each other. Things were great for a couple weeks and then another episode occurs. He cancels plans on me, but I still go over to his apartment. He never comes home. I was worried sick all night. He doesn't come home. I thought that he had gotten in trouble, beat up, mugged, in the hospital, cheating on me, or committed suicide. I come to find out that he was out all night and that he went to a diner, coming home at 9am. I had a hard time trusting him about that for so long, but I think that I finally believe that he is telling me the trust, at least I hope that he is. We again talked about what needed to be done going forward, but JP has resisted a lot of what I wanted him to do. I don't think that he will ever do what I want and what I believe will help him. He doesn't trust me. He's afraid of me. I make him nervous. He thinks that I will look down on him. I feel like he doesn't know the true me or refuses to see the true me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I feel like JP has been pushing me away and continues to push me away. He is a changed man. The man that I originally fell in love with was sweet, kind, confident, courageous, intelligent, selfless, thoughtful, courteous, funny, loving, and so much more. That man is no longer present in JP. JP has become selfish, self-centered, full of anger and malice, hurtful, afraid, cowardly, rude, and depressed. I still love JP dearly and I want to move in and eventually marry him, but I don't know if I can continue loving the JP that is present. He avoids me and shows up late to plans that he have. He seems to not want to be around me and prefers to spend his time with other men and essentially go on dates with them. Then when he talks about his time with them, there is excitement and passion in him that I haven't seen towards me in a long time. It makes me wonder if I am good for him, especially because he is always thinking I'm mad at him. I just don't know what to do. When he was sick, I went to take care of him immediately. I dropped everything to help him feel better. When I was sick, I was a nuisance. He never wanted to spend time with me and avoided taking care of me. Worst of all was when I told him that I get severe depression when I take steroids and he told me that if I was depressed, he would be over every night to love and support me. Well, I got depressed and did he come, no. He was out of town, but there were a couple nights where he could have been there, but wasn't. He has a hard time remembering me and thinking of me, he gives me empty promises, and he's mainly looking out for himself.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried talking to him, telling him what I think of him, giving him an opportunity to give me what I need, letting him do his own thing, pulling away, supporting him, and much more, but nothing works. The wall that he has built up between us will not be torn away. I think that I'm getting to the point of giving him an ultimatum and go on a break. He needs to figure his shit out. If he doesn't, I can't be in a relationship like this anymore. I DESERVE someone who wants to build a life with me, who wants to see me and spend time with me, who thinks of me without prompting from me, who tries to recognize and give me what I need, and who treats me like I'm the greatest thing in the world. Sadly, JP used to do all of this and more, but as I said, he is a changed man and I don't know if I can build a future with the man he has become. I used to have hope that things will change and get better, but his actions have shown me otherwise and I see him going back to his old bad habits. I'm worried for him and our relationship.