Escape

A lot has transpired since J and I decided to take a break from one another. First of all, I passed my thesis proposal on Monday! This was a huge step and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I feel like this was a huge source of my unhappiness. Since I have finished it, I don’t feel as stressed about lab and I feel like I can start moving forward in my research. It has been amazing to feel good and that I accomplished something worthwhile again. I’ve missed that feeling.

Besides that, I have been going to therapy and been doing a lot of thinking because of it. I have started to realize that I need to have escapes from reality—these escapes help keep me balanced and centered. I’ve always had these in the past in high school and college, but have since lost them. These escapes can be almost anything that doesn’t feel routine to me. These include getting lost in the world of Eorzea in Final Fantasy XIV, reading a book, coming home to Utah, leaving the bubble I live in, escaping into nature, leaving NYC, sitting on top of a roof, swimming in the pool, cooking/baking, and spending quality time with friends. These escapes save me. They allow me to remove parts of my stress and realize that the world is much bigger than everything that is going on in my life.

I was going to move out of my current apartment in student housing and move into an “adult” apartment within the city at the end of this school year, but I’m not sure if that is going to happen anymore. Moving out will significantly increase my cost of living and I won’t have as much money to do the escapes that I want to do. I want to start going camping upstate, which isn’t cheap. I will have to rent a car and buy some gear, but I think sacrificing moving out of the dorm housing and spending time escaping into nature will be better for me. Then if I could get friends to go with me, I’ll be able to form amazing bonds with them away from the city, technology, and the hustle and bustle of the city. I’ve decided that I need to have at least one escape a month with or without friends.

I feel good about making more escapes in my life and other decisions that I have been making. These active choices will bring me more happiness and help me get back to my old self and away from the self that NYC has transformed me into. I’m ready to be healed and the first healing is taking place with my journey back to Zion. I’m excited to be back.